your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize