Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
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