I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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