I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
