I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
We got so high we made milksteak
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
