You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
