he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
me + whiskey = a bad person
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
