When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
