i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
