I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
