Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
