College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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