just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
