doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
this is an emotional support booty call
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
