I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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