Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
