I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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