So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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