I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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