I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
