Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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