I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize