i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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