I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
