My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
