Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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