Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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