Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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