he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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