mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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