Apparently you make a good broom.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
