Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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