Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize