planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
