You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
It's just like the Real World with babies
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
