I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
