Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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