That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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