Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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