im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
should my penis look like a turkey
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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