youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
