the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
