I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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