Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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