Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Every concussion has its silver lining
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize