I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
