i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
These tits shall not be calmed
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
