if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
