after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
