Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Randomize
