Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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