So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
