But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize