I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
