I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize