he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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