were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
