Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
