while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize