I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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