tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
