Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I love you. Go after that dick
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
