I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
