she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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