so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
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