Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
