I can feel you judging me through the phone.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
