I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize