just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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