Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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