I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
